This Friday I am getting dressed in my Sunday best, putting on my fresh water pearl choker, my blue sapphire ring, my small but expen­sive tiara and I am going to sit my pretty self in front of the Tele and toast the future King and Queen of England on their nuptials.

You thought I was serious, didn’t you?

If you don’t know me very well, I can’t blame you. But if you have spoken to me at least once in your miserable life, you must know how I feel about weddings. My feelings are quite similar to those of Miss Havisham. Although I haven’t been left at the alter yet and haven’t yet grown resentful, almost hateful of men, I am sure that’s coming one day or another. No, out of all places I have been left- ­

Once in a zoo, unintentionally by my uncle

Once at the Acropolis, by my parents, also unintentionally

And once by a teacher on a school trip to Uglich, the year old Prince Dimitry was supposedly murdered. I could tell my teacher was disappointed when I found my way back to the tour bus unharmed, the jerk.

But I have never been left at an altar, nor have I left anyone else that way. I think that is the cruelest and cowardly way to break up with someone. Do epiphanies about marriage come around only while standing in front of a minister? Shouldn’t it have come before your best mates get all dressed up in monkey suits and drive in from out of town to attend this party. Although, lets be honest, if they were really your mates, shouldn’t they have figured you out by now?

And I am a fan of all things British, but to watch a wedding on the Tele when I can be outside playing midnight crocket? Not a chance. Besides, what’s the attraction, where’s the suspense? I am American. If you want me to watch something you have to sell it to me in between commercials.

How about a little jazzed up Promo for the wedding?

Friday 29th Kate Middleton says I do! Or Does She?

I might be persuaded to watch that.

Nope, I have no Great expectations for this Wedding. The wedding dress, eh, might be interesting, but I can see it in the news the next day. I’m sure it will be the biggest news of the day. It will overshadow Libya, Syria and a number of other un­important countries, because lets face facts. Who wants to hear about a brutal dictator claw in his way back to power when we can watch a celebrity wedding?

That’s what Gaddafi needs, An emergency wedding. He can fight back not with

bullets, but with wedding invitations. There’s got to be another Ukrainian nurse will­ing to marry him. He can even have a bachelor party, and invite the rebels!

Who am I kidding? Not even a picture of him saving a box full of fluffy kittens

can help his image.

And now to the Design portion of this segment. The silver ring.

I am trying to figure out what stones to put in, definitely not sapphire be­cause I don’t have that much money in my piggy bank. Also the ring is sterling silver and copper, so the color choice is pretty interesting. So far I have found I can go with warm and cold colors, depending on what effect I want it to have.

Also this is a pinky ring. I’d like to say it was intentional, but it wasn’t.

Either my fingers got fat, or I measured it wrong.

I am still cleaning it, and that’s what I am going to be doing on Friday afternoon. Right after I drink my low tea. Did you know High tea is really Low tea?

Cheers!